I seem to have lost the ability to talk to adults without a PC in front of me. I discovered this horrible fact the other night when Merriol, the kids, and I went round to a Christmasy, New Yeary party at a friend's house.

After weeks of desperately wanting some adult conversation, weeks of wanting to be able to use words of more than two syllables without having to define them, to be able to walk through a door without explaining where I was going - and that I would be coming back; "I'm just going for a poo, you don't have to follow me!" - I finally had a chance to talk to some adults!

I couldn't cope.

I walked in and there was a room full of people whose heads were higher than my knees. Synapses fired in my brain and nothing happened. My Brain just went blank. I had no idea what to say to any of them. I ended up in their kid's room reading Roald Dahl books. Not to any of the kids mind you, they were all off having a whale of a time with the adults, Holly was driving a miniature, battery powered quad bike into people's ankles and Daisy was off being a charming little princess, no I was reading to myself. I hid in the dark and read James and the Giant Peach until Merriol found me and told me to fuck off home.

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One of my major new Year's Resolutions is to stop watching so much CRAP. I do spend an incredible amount of my movie watching time staring slack jawed at stuff no one in their right minds would choose to watch, or should be forced to watch, or even choose to be forced to watch. (I think I just invented a new perversion. BDSF. Bondage Discipline and Science Fiction. "How do you like them cheap special effects baby? - you like them huh?") There are hundreds, if not thousands of GREAT movies out there I have never seen, and never will if I carry on the way I am going. Looking back at last year's movies it's plain I have a problem. For every wonderful film I managed to watch like: Bellville Rendez-Vous, or M*A*S*H, there are a dozen pieces of shit like Attack of the Giant Leeches, The Wild World of Batwoman, and Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy cluttering up the list - though in my defence I will point out that even I gave up on that last one half-way through.

I will not watch so many badly made cheap science fiction movies this year. I will not... I will not...

So, tonight, what do I flop down and watch?

Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD! - a bloody awful Troma production about a streetwise New York cop who is, by a twist of fate at the opening night of an amateur kabuki production of The Odd Couple, transformed into a Crimefighting Japanese Superhero!


Tomorrow. I'll start tomorrow.


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