I have finally become invisible. This is an ambition I have had since I was about 16 when, in the school changing rooms one afternoon after PE, I realised that all the girls I secretly lusted after were, at that very moment, all probably naked in a shower the other side of the wall against which I was leaning (trying manfully to hide and not expose my own naked flesh to all the other bigger, louder, hairier boys in the room).

Today (35 years too late) I finally achieved it.

For weeks Merriol and the kids have been nagging me to shave: "Please shave, Daddy; you're prickly.","Any chance that..." "Go have a shave and I'll think about it...", etc.

I don't shave often. About three of four times a year. I hate it. But there comes a point when I get so fed up with the scratchiness of it, the constant nagging from the kids, and the lack of nookie that I give in and off it comes.

Last night I shaved. After everyone else was asleep and I had succumbed to another couple of episode of Battlestar Galactica I shaved. Took me three disposable razors, but it's off.

This morning no one noticed. It's now about half past ten in the morning I have been up for a couple of hours (give or take an hour) cooked breakfast, loaded the washing machine, etc., etc. etc.. and no one has noticed that I am now clean-shaven.

I have become invisible. All my family see of me is this disembodied beard floating around.

I'm off to the High School.