Monday, February 26, 2007

Nerd Alert! (The Following Blog Entry Contains Scenes Of Unrepentant Nerdyness)

Just started another small blog a place where I can put up my stupid cartoons and 'poems', at least one a week is my aim but sometimes more if the mood and inspiration strikes. The world will be relieved to know there will not be too many poems ,and I hope the pictures will get better as I improve my skills in Photoshoppe (it's a very old version).

Tonight I indulged in the ritual torture that is Star Trek. Each and every time I watch anything Star Trekky made after The Original Series (which has a quaint, kitch charm which I quite enjoy) I am struck dumb by the overwhelmingly pompous bloody-awfulness of it all, and each time I watch it I add another WTF to the catalogue of nerdy (cue Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons voice) "That is so Stupid!" moments. Tonight, and I feel so sad for noticing this - and even sadder that it has taken me so long too notice this, I was struck for the first time by the monumental stupidity that is the widescreen telly that seems to fill half of the bridge. Every week alien spaceships heave into view and park themselves slap bang in front of the Enterprise, and each week our gallant crew step forward to gaze in awe and wonder at whatever is in front of them (aka 'the wiifot'). Sometimes the captain, or whever is occupying the captain's Lazyboy, will order "Full magnifcation!" the picture on the telly will jump to a sooperdooper close up view of the wiifot - at which point everyone on the flight deck will take a step closer to the screen to get a better look!

Tonight, the wiifot hovered around in front of The Enterprise for ages doing wiifoty things, then slowly descended towards the planet's surface - and slid down out of sight below the bottom of the screen leaving the crew staring at a blank starfield and pushed my WTF button. The wiifot just slid out of frame. No one tilted the camera down to follow it... The Enterprise, The pride of the United Federation of Planets' Starfleet, this vast starship, has a fixed camera nailed to the front of it like a miner's lamp - with no way of moving it? What happens if they do want to look up? Do they have to point the whole spaceship? It's pants! It makes no sense whatsoever, totally unthought through like a lot of Star Trekky stuff (the ship has one of these fixed view cameras nailed on the back as well, because sometimes the captain ask to look through the rear-view mirror. Thinking about it I would guess it's got wing mirrors too but even so it's going to have some HUGE blind spots. It's beyond me why the Klingon's went to all that trouble to develop their Cloaking Devices and skulking about in invisible mode when all they had to do to win against a Federation spaceship was to fly up to the side of the thing and start blasting away.

One of these days I will write a book (sad to say I have lots of notes): Why Star Trek is Utter Pants - or maybe I'll start another blog.

If you have enjoyed this post you may be interested in more of my inchoate Trek Rants on the IMDb Here and Here


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