Sunday, August 24, 2008

I've Done It!

I've done it! I have managed to completely miss The Olympics.

I didn't see a second of it on the telly. The biggest, best televised sporting event in the history of everything and I managed to completely avoid it. Yah me! (I want a medal!) Well almost. I did inadvertently hear the odd mention of it on the radio news, mostly on the weirdly named PM's Olympic Desk of Sport (I'm sure PM is being edited by Chris Morris these days) in which we were treated to a series of gaspy interviews with members of 'Team GB' all of whom had microphones shoved up their noses within three seconds of winning some sort of gong*, saying : "I can't believe it, - gasp - I'm really - gasp - proud of - gasp- myself. I knew I could -gasp- win and went out there - gasp - and enjoyed myself - gasp - and gave it my best shot." (Maybe they were given this speech by 'Team GB's' PR people, or maybe the TV people were given a pre-recorded "Gasp! I'm so proud!" speech and just played it like a jingle between races. Who knows? Who cares? I know I don't.)

So I'm glad it's over and we can get down to the serious business of watching all these 'Golden' girls and boys fail spectacularly in anything else they attempt under the prurient and gleeful gaze of the tabloid press. A whole new crop of instant 'heroes' to dissect and denigrate. At this very moment The Sun is warming up its "Olympic Golden Girl In Five In A Bed Romp With Insert Wannabee TV Star's Name Here!" headline.

As for me, I'm in training for four years time when Britain... sorry... England - I think Scotland got the contract for cleaning up after the horses - hosts the damn things. Avoiding the Olympics when it is being held in the same time zone is going to be a bit of a challenge but I've got four years to prepare, I know I'm going to do it, I'm going to go out there - and enjoy myself - and give it my best shot.


*There is some sort of medal for this awarded in secret after the events by the Press corp. "And Gold goes to Martin Hack of Sky News who set a new world record by interviewing Chestless McGinnery** within 2.4 seconds of her winning her race."

**(AKA the New Golden Girl of British Sport and all time British Heroine for the week, winner of the 400m Running a Bit Faster Than a Lot of Other Chestless Women race.)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well done Liam, you missed the Olympics. I, on the other hand, have found them invaluable in my paralysed state in keeping me safe from such riveting daytime television as "Flog Shit", "Crap in the Attic", anything with David Dickinson and thirty different, although only in title, shows about buying, decorating, selling and making money from neglected council houses. Thank god the cast comes off tomorrow. I would have to kill myself if I had to suffer another week of enforced television without at least having the option of watching some physically well-sculpted men in scanty costumes flexing their muscles in a pleasing variety of pysical pursuits. I'll be right with you next year though...... Football? An Olympic sport???? I hardly think so.

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