Mister Plastics has responded (after a nudge) to my pedantic email the other day asking if a Lakeland Plastic product really was 'Completely chemical-free' as advertised in one of their catalogues:

Dear Mr Baldwin

Thank you for your email, and I am sorry we did not get back to you earlier. The Ant Stoppa Tape is chemical free.

As always, if there's anything else we can help you with, please do let us know. You can email us at net.shop@lakeland.co.uk or call our friendly customer services team on 015394 88100. We're available 24 hours a day, seven days a week and will be happy to help.

Kind regard

I reply:

Hello,

Thank you for your reply, it was very fast. You say in your mail
The Ant Stoppa is 'chemical free' not 'completely chemical-free'.

Could you confirm it is 'completely chemical-free' as it says in
the catalogue?

Liam Baldwin

Their turn:

Dear Liam

Thank you for your reply.

I can confirm that ,according to all the information we have here ,the Ant Stoppa Tape has no chemicals in it at all. It works as the basis of being a double sided adhesive tape and as the ants cross it they will stick to the glue.

I trust this helps and as always, if there's anything else we can help you with, please blah blah blah...
Kind regards,

Blah Blah
Customer Services

NO chemicals at all?

Hello,

Again, thanks for your quick reply. Nice to know the system works - I wonder what happened to my first mail?

I find it extraordinary that you say "Ant Stoppa Tape has no chemicals in it at all". As I understand physics, every material thing in the universe is made of chemicals of one sort of another.

There must be some chemicals in this stuff - unless, of course, you are selling an empty box.

ARE you selling an empty box?

Liam

This evening I got this:

Dear Liam

Thank you for taking the time to get in touch with us about the Ant Stoppa Tape.

I've passed your email on to our Product Query team. They'll be in touch with you shortly with more information.

Presumably the Lakeland Product Query team (now there's an idea for a TV series) will go and open a few boxes and find out.

I will keep you informed.

This week's TV pick

Tuesday Channel 5 11.45 pm - LPQ: Miami
Lakeland Product Query Team spin off series. Flashy camera work and dramatic music, as week by week a mixed bag of actors who couldn't get jobs on Torchwood get to the bottom of Tupperware related mysteries.


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