Thursday, August 11, 2005

You Can't Drink Mayonnaise

A Rant

I am sick to death of the second world war.

It was the last great 'Us and Them war', the last war in which the enemy was clearly and unambigously evil. (though that fact does seem to have by passed some memembers of the British Royal Family at the time). And I am sick to death of it. I'm not saying the war was not a great and terrible thing; I'm saying I'm fed up with what has happened since.

All my life I have grown up with 'The War' in my background. War movies, (John Wayne, and John Mills leading their men to certain death and glory), War comics (lone Tommy takes out nest of jerries single handed "Gut in Himmel! Englander! Atchung!", "Take that Fritz!" Rattatatata! Aeeeiiii! "Well done Jones, now on to Berlin!") increasingly aged men and women reminising about how the War was the "best time of their life". The Kraut bashing headlines in the arsewipe tabloids everytime we had any trouble with the European Union (real or imaginary or just made up to sell papers) or every time England played Germany in a football match, all those unfunny Perry and Croft sitcoms: Dad's Army, 'Ello 'Ello, It Ain't 'Alf 'Ot Mum, itwas endless and I hated it.

Nowadays the relentless stream of cardboard characters thrashing the 'Bosh' (or the bucktoothed bespecticled 'Nips' - lone Tommy takes out 'slant eye' machine gun nest single handed "Banzai!", "Take that Tojo!" Rattatatata! Aeeeiiii! "Well done Jones, now on to Tokyo!") seems to have abated but now, instead, we get The Anniveraries. This month is the 60th Aniverary of the ending of the war. But there are so many others: The anniversary of the Start of the war. Dunkirk, The D Day landing, The Arheim Raid, The Liberation of Auschwitz, The Liberation of Berlin, VE Day, VJ Day, it never stops.

WW2 was fought between 1939 and 1945

WW1 was fought between 1914 and 1917.

This means, that between them, every year (apart from those ending in 8) is the 60th 70th 80th etc. anniversary of something!

I don't know what I'm ranting for - at least I'm not the Chancellor of Germany who is expected to turn up at least once a year to some god-forsaken field somewhere in Europe to look contrite before the world's cameras for things that happened before he was even born.

And I don't supose for one second this is unique in the history of mankind. I have visions of people sitting around in Athens rolling their eyeballs in despair as the 120th aniversary of some event in the seige of Troy came around " Oh Gods! Not the anniverasy of that bloody fight with Ajax again!"

Phew! Glad I got that off my chest.

Coming soon: a 25,000 word rant on 'Why Star Trek is Total and Utter Pants' (I've been working on this one for years).

No Near-Death Experiences with Tourists to report today. It was Merriol's turn to meet one of the silly buggers driving down the wrong side of the road. She came round a bend and had to drive onto the verge to avoid slamming head on into the stupid sod pootlingalong without a care in the world.

WE DRIVE ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE OF THE ROAD IN BRITAIN!

I know that because our roads round here are littered with (aparently invisible) little signs in many languages reminding people to drive on the left.


Listening to: DJ Food

1 comment:

Boegle said...

I thought I saw you this morning as I took my ailing pickup truck to the dealer so that I may be financially buggered by them.

"You"(tm) were walking down the street, wearing your little black cap, and reading the paper, a slight curmudgeonly scowl playing on your lips. I was glad to see you! But then I realized you were entirely too short to be you.

The only succor I can offer you is to be thankful that you do not have to endure the Indignity Of Both Sides Of Those That Feel Strongly About The American Civil War.

South, I'm from you, I love you, but you lost, and you should have lost because you were wrong.

I think that Anniversaries and Apologies are just a new thing brought about by the social/cultural revolution of the 60's. But it's all gone horribly wrong, like Christmas gone commercial...like Hallmark Greetings has taken over the ethics of the Western world.

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