Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Today was supposed to be the day that was to have announced the short-lists for this year's Best Blogs That No One Reads awards and, in full confidence and expectation of being short-listed, I've been honing my electoral skills which, following recently successful and near successful election campaigns in London, Zimbabwe, and the US, have led me to come up with a platform of promising to Ban Bendy buses, nuke Iran (whether they ask me to or not), and sending gangs of machete wielding goons round to my opponents' houses* but, as the more astute of you will have gathered from the uncomfortable use of some sort of conditionalish tense at the start of this long and cumbersome sentence, they haven't announced them at all due to unexpected, and unspecified, delays - so I'm off to re-think my campaign strategy. And learn how to write short sentences.

I will do most of the re-thinking while sitting on our NEW TOILET! [Small fanfare!] Finally, tonight after four months of waiting, and three days of work (spread out over two weeks) the plumbers have finally connected all the pipes and we have a flushing toilet upstairs at last. Another step forward in the never ceasing, onward march of nineteenth century technology. Huzzah!

You have no idea what a great feeling this is. Why everyone in the house wants to pee at exactly the same time is a mystery to me but we all do and, with luck, this should cut my hopping up and down yelling: "Pee faster!" at the kids time down by half. This is a good thing.

Okay, the toilet has nothing between it and the rest of the world - at the moment you walk up stairs and there's a toilet and hand basin staring at you from the other end of the landing - hello! - but soon I'll've built the walls round it, and hung the door which has been part of the obstacle course in our hallway for six months, and the plumbers will have fitted the cover over the open newly formed junction in the garden (at the moment you can flush the toilet, stand on it, stick your head out of the window, and peer down into the trench to make sure it gets there. Sort of like Pooh Sticks but with real poo) and all will be well.

* - actually, as most of the other nominees appear to live in Minnesota, I may have to renage on that last one.

1 comment:

Phoebe said...

I tried to go and vote for you last week, but it wasn't exactly transparent, and I don't exactly have an attention span lately.

I want to vote for you!

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